


Loathing

by INMH



Series: Merry Month of Masturbation Fills (2013) [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Masturbation, Mild Sexual Content, Other, Season/Series 04, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-10 14:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/787138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INMH/pseuds/INMH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for an MMOM prompt: “A character masturbates to thoughts of previous experience with a former partner that betrayed him/her.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loathing

There was a time when she had liked him.  
  
More than liked him, actually, but never quite love.  
  
Merlin was still suspended from the ceiling, wrists bound above his head, unconscious following the healing. He would take some time to wake up, at least some hours. Morgana was lying on her bed, tired enough to want to relax but not enough to manage any sleep.  
  
Morgana remembered her time as his friend as she considered his sleeping form. How _sweet_ she had thought him, Arthur’s awkward, fumbling servant with the earnest smile and soft heart. Her opinion of him had jumped greatly when she learned of his opposition to Arthur, gleefully related to her by Gwen. What a good, kind boy, brave enough to stand up to her brat of a half-brother.  
  
There was a time when she might have taken a risk on him, a time that came after their rescue of Mordred, when she saw the greatest of his goodness laid bare and thought, just for a second, that she _did_ love him. It wasn’t difficult to love a man who would put his life on the line for a child that needed his help. For all the hell Uther (and Arthur, for that matter) would have given her for it, Morgana began to consider that maybe she might approach Merlin for something closer than what they had.  
  
Morgana’s fingers dug into her thigh.  
  
God, what a fool she had been.  
  
It _was_ the idea of what Uther would do to Merlin more so than herself that made her hesitate. And in retrospect, what a blessing it had been to be prevented from such stupidity: So much uglier would Merlin’s betrayal have been if they had actually had previous intimacy. So much worse would that poison have burned in her chest, so much harder would the memory of how Morgause had come to be injured would have been meditated on.  
  
Her fingers are rough beneath her dress as the expression of neutral contemplation melts into one of dark fury. How _could_ he? Such sweetness in his heart, but how cold and _empty_ he had looked as she had been dying from the poison, so resolved to what he felt he had to do to protect Arthur and Uther and their bloody kingdom, none of which would have ever loved her if they had known what she really was-  
  
Morgana growled softly. Merlin had accused her of disloyalty, and only now did she think that she might have accused him of over-loyalty to her half-brother and father. Really, what other than thoughtless loyalty could explain his desire to protect the likes of Uther, the man who had killed many innocent people, many _children_ during his reign for something they couldn’t necessarily control?  
  
Her hatred had turned her cold, his betrayal leaving her without a person she might have otherwise still had some loyalty to, her once good friend. Now the only pleasure she took from the thought of him was how he would look once he found himself standing over Arthur’s corpse, body stabbed or burnt or bashed beyond recognition.  
  
The motion of Morgana’s hand increased, and her bitter heart soared at the idea of Merlin feeling something like the pain that she had endured when Morgause was injured. She would take her pleasure where she could, and that would come from paying him back in kind for the wrongs that he had done her. When she came, it was with a picture of him utterly broken in her mind’s eye.  
  
It was greater than any pleasure, physical or otherwise he could have given her.


End file.
